अहिले म मानबिय अस्तित्व बाँचिरहेछु
किनकी म द्वन्दमा छु।
पर्खाईको आश र पर्खाईको निरर्थकताको बिचमा छु।
झुल्किन लागेको घाम र झुल्किनसकेको घामको बिचमा छु।

चाहेको कुरा पाएपछी मस्तिष्क कहाँ चलायमान हुन पाउछ र?
बेग र संवेग बिचमा बाँचेको म
काँडा र फुल बिचमा उभिएको म
साच्चै मानबिय अस्तित्व बाँचिरहेछु ।

एउटा बिकलाङ परिबेश बिचबाट जन्मिएको
अदृश्य , अनिश्चित, र धमिलो आश बिच
भौतारिनु चलायमान जिन्दगिको गति हो ।
मानबिय अस्तित्व हो।
एउटा शक्ति हो।
परमानान्द हो।

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सिवाय !

जब तिम्रो केहि लाग्दैन
कुर्नु सिवाय,
बस, कुर्नु सिवाय !
फगत, कुर्नु सिवाय !

आत्मा हाथमा राखेर हिड्नु सिवाय
तिम्रो तर्क तिम्रै गोजीमा राख्नु सिवाय,
गल्लीको मक्षडले जिस्काउदा फिस्स हास्नु सिवाय,
अरुको इशारामा पुतलिझै नाच्नु सिवाय,
तिम्रो केहि लाग्दैन
तिमी किन जतिनै नास्तिक हौ
फेरी पनि “मेरो तकदिर” भन्न सिवाय,
तिमी आँफैले फुटाएका मुर्तिका भगनाबेशहरु
बटुलेर फेरी इश्वरको नाम लिन सिवाय !
तिम्रो केहि लाग्दैन
कुर्नु सिवाय,
बस, कुर्नु सिवाय !
फगत, कुर्नु सिवाय !

Finally, I made it to America. What I wanted was to be in the country where some friends were already to further their studies and for material success.  So after I finished my Master’s degree in Nepal, I wanted to apply for a university in the USA. However, I was not very sure. I had read about America as the country of immigrants and the land of opportunity. After I read works by many American authors Emily Dickinson, Ralph Waldo Emerson, William Faulkner, Robert Frost, and Nathaniel Hawthorne, it fueled my desire to go to America to further my studies in writing. To be a writer. To pursue my dream.  Who would not want to go to America, a dreamland? Some people were saying “it is expensive,” “it is a big country you may get lost,” while others were saying, “Wow, you will make your fortune.”  Different people have different perspectives. But who cares? My mind was all set for it. 

But I did not know how to apply, who should I ask for help? Where should I go and how should I start the application process? Most of the educational consultancies in Nepal would want me to do the process with them for which I would have to pay a lump sum of money, and I was broke and unemployed. But I ventured on this journey on my own.

So to cut a long story short, I left my home in the early morning to visit a cyber café and started browsing the Internet. I continued doing so every day.  Spent hours.  Browsed the universities’ sites. Visited their writing programs. Emailed the admission office. I embarked on this journey, indeed.

I looked back where I came from and I felt more responsible for why I came here and what I want to be. My courage was for good cause. My hope glimmered when I looked back and it was more for my career and my duty to the nation I came from than for personal material success that I found many of my friends were indulged in, and I felt sorry for the friends who suffered from selfishness, greed, and hypocrisy.

It was quite a process. Fill out an online application. Pay the application fee. Mail the official documents. Send TOEFL and GRE scores. And wait for them to send you an I20. It took me a year to have all these things ready. I started the process in 2006, but the road to reach there was very steep. I did not have GRE and TOEFL scores ready yet, nor did I have enough money to pay for the exams let alone to pay the tuition fee for the university if I was accepted into the program that I applied for. I asked my friends to lend me some money so I could pay them back with interest but they dissuaded me saying that it was a chimera to get a USA visa and they balked from supporting me. It was like a bad investment to put on me without knowing if I would get a US visa. But, by hook or by crook, I was into it. I was propelled by my passion and the dream that was I had to set my foot in the USA to further my studies in writing. To my father’s oblivion, my mother bequeathed me her nuptial gold ring to sell and pay for the exams, so did I. The results came fine. I sent the results to 5 universities I had applied for, also sent fake financial reports and the source of income I had made bribing a bank auditor in town. I got a letter from one university after another university denying the acceptance into the program. I put that hindrance behind me. Finally, a last university mailed an I20 to my address.

Now, to get a visa was another challenge. And if I get a visa, another challenge was to make the tuition for the first semester ready. I took the visa interview date at the American Embassy in Kathmandu online and made all the documents ready, including the I20 and the fake financial reports. Fear reigned in me what if they found the documents fake. Won’t that count a sin? “No risk no gain,” I thought. I remembered what Maya Angelou said, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” 

I remembered a line from bible, “Their old sins no longer count against them, and as long as they remain Christian, their next sins are equally expunged.

“Jesus,” the first time the word escaped from me who was born and raised in Hindu family.
“If there is a God, He will listen to my voice,” I promised to myself.

Thank God, I got a visa. As soon as I got a visa, the friends and relatives lined up to lend me money. I felt I was blessed. I refused their offer with love and asked my closest friend Kumar, a last chance in my list, to support me and he said it was his pleasure. After I arrived in the USA, I looked back. When there is a will, there is a way. If I was discouraged and had not started the journey, there was no way I could make it. If there is a cause and the cause is for good, even God will redeem and support you for your lies. If you trust yourself and believe in dreams you want to pursue, you will make your dream come true. I looked back where I came from and I felt more responsible for why I came here and what I want to be. My courage was for good cause. My hope glimmered when I looked back and it was more for my career and my duty to the nation I came from than for personal material success that I found many of my friends were indulged in, and I felt sorry for the friends who suffered from selfishness, greed, and hypocrisy.

When the sun cannot melt the snow…

Joy or Pleasure

Have you ever thought of the difference between joy and pleasure? You think you might have experienced them all the time. Which one is transient? And which one is permanent? Do you want to be in joy or in pleasure? Or none of them? Everyone wants to remain happy. But will everyday happiness give you joy or pleasure? Joy is something that is above pleasure which is a form of happiness, but sometimes pleasure comes out to be above joy, for example, they say “sexual pleasure,” not “sexual joy.” Joy at times, according to some ancient philosophers, is associated with decency while pleasure with decadence. I really do not see as much difference between them although a dictionary defines joy as “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness” while pleasure is defined as “a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.” That said “joy” sounds pleasurable to the soul while “pleasure” sounds pleasurable to the body. We say “tears of joy” that appeals to the heart to which the brain connects and the tears come out. We say “sexual pleasure” that appeals to carnal that connects to brain and one feels satisfied.  But both bring happiness. Satisfaction and enjoyment are received through food, sex, and drink, but there are others who get satisfaction and enjoyment through meditation, yoga, and writing. The former is deemed more sensual while the latter is more sensuous.

To be in joy is to be in pain. “Tears of joy” the phrase contains some pain. Even “sexual pleasure” does contain some pain that turns out to be a state of happiness and satisfaction. After a person cries in pain that brings “catharsis” as Aristotle says in his definition of tragic drama. Similarly, if so is the case, catharsis is produced after ejaculation which is kind of death leading to life.

Some ancient philosophers, thinkers, and writers, such as Plutarch, Petrarch, and Montaigne associated pleasure with the idea of decency and decorum although they could not ignore the joy that they would receive from bodily pleasure. They found joy in valor, meditation, and celibacy while they underscored how one could be in joy through carousing and revelation. But the wise men hardly indulged in sensual joy. For them, according to Seneca, a wise man can accept death wisely. In the past, in Spartan war, if someone died, it would be a matter of joy because he died for the sake of country. That was a matter of pleasure and satisfaction.   

To be in joy is to be in pain. “Tears of joy” the phrase contains some pain. Even “sexual pleasure” does contain some pain that turns out to be a state of happiness and satisfaction. After a person cries in pain that brings “catharsis” as Aristotle says in his definition of tragic drama. Similarly, if so is the case, catharsis is produced after ejaculation which is kind of death leading to life.

Sometimes, you can be in joy reflecting on your memories and you cry that makes you feel good. Sometimes, I myself listen to old songs and cry silently that relives me from stress, anxiety, boredom, and frustration. My wife cries every time she phone calls me and says, “I miss you” that relieves her and makes her feel better, her mood turns brighter. Every day we are in joy and pleasure. Both are conflating. I feel great while peeing if I am full, while defecating if I have diarrhea, while scratching if I have an itch. The moments are inexpressible. A sublimity is achieved. It is a mixture of pain and pleasure. That is the real happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure.

Finally, if we go back to the dictionary definition of both “joy” and “pleasure,” both fall in the same category. If “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness” is joy, and “a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment” is pleasure, replace the word “pleasure” in “joy’s” definition with the definition of pleasure and it comes out to be the same. It all depends how one is happy, satisfied, and pleased that matters.

  • परदेशी कलम


पदमप्रसाद भट्टराई, झापा   हाल कतार

“गाउँमा पुराण लाग्दैछ रे, मन्दिर र बृद्धाश्रम बनाउने अरे,” दैनिकी उही खाडीको चिल्ला सडकहरुमा उज्यालो खस्न नपाउदै शुरु हुने र पश्चिममा सुर्य अस्त पश्चात् मात्र अन्त्य हुने ड्युटीकै क्रममा एक नेपाली मित्रले म संग दुखेसो पोखे अलिकति फुर्सदको समयमा।

 “ठिकै छ त यो त राम्रै कुरा हो त”, मैले थपे।

 तर मित्रको अनुहार मेरो कथनलाई स्वीकार्न सहमत थिएन।

” गाउँबाट पुराणका लागि, मन्दिर र अाश्रम निर्माणका लागि पैसाको माग भएको छ त्यो पनि रेट तोकेर साथमा बोनस स्वरुप ‘सहयोग रसिदको एक ठेली’ समेत अाएको छ म जस्तै ‘पैसावाल र पैसाको रुखमा  काम गर्ने साथीहरू’ का लागि पैसा संकलन गरि पठाउनका निम्ति,” उनी भन्दैथिए | एकै श्वासमा यति भन्न भ्याएका उनी पानी पिउने अवस्थामा पुगिसकेका थिए। छेउमा रहेको पानीको बोतल मैले उनलाई दिए। अाधा बोतल खाली भईसके पश्चात् फेरि भन्न थाले, “दुईचार भए त ठिकै हो दुईचार महिना कै तलब मागेका छन्, अझ साथीहरूसंग मागेर पठाउनु भन्ने माथिको अादेश पनि।


गाउँबाट गुन्द्रुकको ठाउँमा, ” तोकिएको रकम मागपत्र, सहयोग रसिदको ठेली ” हातपर्दा मन गुन्द्रुक भन्दा नि अमिलो भईदिन्छ।


                बोतलमा अाधा पानी बाँकी नै थियोे। अब पानी पिउनु पर्ने अवस्था मेरो थियो, म नाजवाफ भईसकेको थिए। साथीहरू मबाट सही सल्लाह सुझाव र समस्या समाधानका उपायहरुको अपेक्षा गर्थे त्यही क्रममा उल्लेखित दुखेसो म सामु मित्रले राखेका थिए। तत्काल मैले मित्रलाई केही सल्लाह दिनसक्ने अवस्थामा म थिईन, “हो र” भनेर दुवै अाफ्नो अाफ्नो काममा लाग्यौं तर मेरो मन घोत्लिन थालिसकेको थियोे।

“पैसावाल र पैसाको रुखमा काम गर्नेहरु,” “रुखमा फलेका पैसा टिप्नेहरु” जसरी सोच्नेहरु, ठान्नेहरुलाई के थाहा, ” कपाल दुख्ने गर्मी र  मुटु कमाउने जाडो ” मा उज्यालो नखस्दै अनि अध्यारो झरिसकेपछिको समय काम गरेर, सुत्न पाएको समयमा पनि उडुसको पालनपोषण गरेर ” टिपेको पैसा ” ले ब्यक्तिगत, पारिवारिक अनि सामाजिक खर्च धान्न समेत मुश्किल पर्छ जुन भोग्न जति सजिलो छ बुझाउन झनै गाह्रो छ गाउँका अभाव अपेक्षा र अाशाहरुलाई। गाउँबाट गुन्द्रुकको ठाउँमा, ” तोकिएको रकम मागपत्र, सहयोग रसिदको ठेली ” हातपर्दा मन गुन्द्रुक भन्दा नि अमिलो भईदिन्छ।


पैसाको रुख

एक किसिमले निश्चित उद्धेश्य हासिल गर्नका निम्ति (बिद्यालय, कलेज स्वास्थ्यचाैकी, मन्दिर लगायत) अावश्यक  अार्थिक संकलन गर्न अायोजना गरिने पुराणहरुबाट पैसा संकलन गरि काम गर्नु एकदमै अनुचित त होइन तर यसलाई पनि निश्चित सीमा र बिधान भित्र राख्नुपर्ने देखिन्छ। एक त राज्य वा सम्बन्धित निकायले गर्नुपर्ने (बिद्यालय भवन  बनाउने कार्य स्थानीय निकाय वा शैक्षिक निकायले गर्नुपर्ने जस्ता) काम नागरिक तहबाट पुराण लगाएर नै गर्ने हो भने सम्बन्धित निकायले के गर्ने ? राज्यलाई नै जिम्मेवार बनाउनुको सट्टामा गर्दैन भनेर अाफुअाफु  मिलेर नै गर्दै जाने हो भने राज्यले गरेन भनेर चर्का गीत गाउनु बेकार छ।


             लाग्थ्यो ‘ पुराण ‘ त धार्मिक अनुस्ठान हो, वैदिक कर्म अनि ज्ञानको प्रचार गर्ने थलो पनि। मेरो बुझाईको पुराण र गाउँ शहरमा हुदै गरेका पुराणमा धेरै फरक भईसकेछ। हिन्दु धर्मसंग सम्बन्धित पुराणमा सृष्टि, प्राचीन ऋषिमुनि राजाहरुका कर्मगाथा, विभिन्न देवीदेवतालाई केन्द्र मानेर धर्मकर्म, पापपुण्य, स्वर्गनर्क, जन्ममृत्यु , जीवनजगत, नैतिकता, अनुशासन, तथा बिधिबिधानका कुराहरु उल्लेख छन। अठार पुराण मध्ये केहीमा त सृष्टिको शुरुआत देखि अन्त्य सम्मका कुराहरु समेत भेटिन्छन्। यसका अतिरिक्त पुराण त धेरै परिमार्जित हुदै गएछ जसको प्रभाव प्रत्यक्ष अप्रत्यक्ष रुपमा खाडी मुलुकका खाल्डाहरुसम्म पनि पुगेको पाईन्छ। पुराणमा सकेको स्वच्छिक दानभेटी, फुलपाती लिएर जाने, कथाहरु एकाग्र भक्तिभावले सुन्ने हो भने नै ठूलो धर्म मिल्छ, पुण्य कमाईन्छ भन्ने मान्यता अब पुरानो भईसकेछ। अब त पुराण सुन्नु नपर्ने, पुराणमा जानु नपर्ने भएछ। सजिलो छ, तोकिएको रकम (जग्गाजमिन, अन्न, द्रव्य, सुनचाँदी अादी समेत) बुझाए भयो, पठाईदिए भयो। मित्रको  अाशय यही थियोे भने मेरो निष्कर्ष पनि।

             एक किसिमले निश्चित उद्धेश्य हासिल गर्नका निम्ति (बिद्यालय, कलेज स्वास्थ्यचाैकी, मन्दिर लगायत) अावश्यक  अार्थिक संकलन गर्न अायोजना गरिने पुराणहरुबाट पैसा संकलन गरि काम गर्नु एकदमै अनुचित त होइन तर यसलाई पनि निश्चित सीमा र बिधान भित्र राख्नुपर्ने देखिन्छ। एक त राज्य वा सम्बन्धित निकायले गर्नुपर्ने (बिद्यालय भवन  बनाउने कार्य स्थानीय निकाय वा शैक्षिक निकायले गर्नुपर्ने जस्ता) काम नागरिक तहबाट पुराण लगाएर नै गर्ने हो भने सम्बन्धित निकायले के गर्ने ? राज्यलाई नै जिम्मेवार बनाउनुको सट्टामा गर्दैन भनेर अाफुअाफु  मिलेर नै गर्दै जाने हो भने राज्यले गरेन भनेर चर्का गीत गाउनु बेकार छ। जसले जे काम गर्नुपर्ने हो त्यो काम उसैले गर्नुपर्छ भनेर दबाव दिने, नपुगेको अार्थिक सहयोग गर्ने, भाैतिक र नैतिक समर्थन गर्दै उक्त काममा अाफ्नो सीप र दक्षता सहित सहभागी हुने ठाउँ त बाँकी नै रहन्छ। हुनेले नहुनेलाई सहयोग गर्नु नै पर्छ, यो नै पुर्वीय दर्शनको मुलमर्म पनि हो अनि मात्र समाज र मुलुक उन्नति पथमा लम्कन्छ। अाफु अनुकूलका संघसंस्था, पार्टी, पुराणहरुमा लाखाै करोडौं सहयोग गर्न पछि नपर्नेहरुले अाफुले राज्यलाई तिर्नुपर्ने करहरु मात्रै ईमानदारीका साथ तिर्ने अनि राज्यले पनि प्राप्त करहरु सहीढंगले सदुपयोग गर्ने हो भने गाउँ गाउँमा बिद्यालय, स्वास्थ्य चाैकी भवन बनाउनका लागि पुराणको नाममा खाडी मुलुक सम्म तोकरै पैसा मागिरहनु पर्दैन, गुन्द्रुकको ठाउँमा ” सहयोग रसिदका ठेली ” पठाईरहनु पर्दैन | साथै पुराणले पनि अाफ्नो महिमा र महत्त्व गुमाउनु पर्ने थिएन।

खुल्ला आकासमुनिको जूनले बिछ्याउँछ
मेरो अघि उज्यालो गलैचा
र मलाई स्वागत गर्छ
मेरो आफ्नै देशमा,
जव म विदेशबाट आफ्नो देश फर्किन्छु ।

सम्झनाले सताईरहन्छ एकहोरो बिदेशमा
त्यो गाउँको पाखो, ति गाई र बाख्रा, ति बुढी आमा,
त्यो बुढो बकैनाको रुख,
मेरी आमाले मदानीले पारेको मोही,
र उनले मेरो गालामा खाएको मोई ।

अब त म विदेश जान्न ।
आफ्नै देशमा बसेर केहि गर्छु ।
मलाई मात्र चाहिएको छ
बिहान पूर्व बाट उदाउने घामको माया
जुन हरेक दिन त्यो त्यहि बकैनाको रुखको
दुई तिर फाटेर गएको हाँगाबीचबाट उदाईरहनछ।
मलाई मात्र चाहिएको छ मेरी श्रीमतीको प्रेमिल आँखा
मेरी छोरीको न्यानो मुस्कान
मेरी आमाको हरेक बिहानको प्रसाद
मेरा बाको रामायणको श्लोकका दुई हरफ ।

यति पाएँ भने
मेरो जीवन जीवन हुनेछ ।
परिवार, परिवार हुनेछ ।
म हुनुको म हुनेछ ।
म, श्रीमती, छोरी, आमा र बुवा हुनेछ ।
एउटा ब्रमाण्ड हुनेछ ।
ब्रम्हा, बिष्णु, महेस हुनेछ ।
सरस्वती, लक्ष्मी, देबी हुनेछ ।

बिदेशमा आकाश छुने महल छ,रातभरि बल्छ झलमल बत्ति
तर खुल्ला आकाश मुनि देखिने जून र ताराको उज्यालो छैन,
जुन मेरो देशको आकाशमा टिल्पिलाईरहन्छ मेरै वरिपरि रातभरि
मोटर र कारखानाको आवाज छ विदेशमा
तर आमाको खनखन बज्ने चुरा छैन
टाई र सुटमा ठाटीएर हिड्ने मान्छेहरु छन्
तर मलाई बुझ्न सक्ने मनहरु छैनन्
बर्गर र पिज्जाहरु छन्
तर आफ्नै बारीमा फलेको मेथीको साग र टिमुरको अचार छैन ।
भैइगयो भने पनि, त्यहाँ माटोको वासना छैन ।

मलाई मज्जाले मात्न मन छ आफ्नै गाउँमा गाईको मोही पिएर
र बाहिर आँगनमा बाँसको कप्टेराले मेरा बाले आँपको बोट आडैमा
बनाएको खाटमा गुन्द्री ओछ्याएर, उपर खुट्टी लाएर
नजिकै टाट्नामा त्यहि बकाईनाको घाँस खादै गरेका
रहरलाग्दा बाख्राहरु हेर्न मन छ ,
छेउमा कालो कुकुर आफ्नो पुच्छर लुकाउदै हिड्दै गर्दा ,
आफ्ना चल्लालाई लिएर पोथी कुखुरो चर्दै गर्दा
मलाई मेरै श्रीमती र आमाले बनाएको,
साँदेको गुन्द्रुकको अचार खान मन छ ।

बिदेशमा त भ्रम छ,
भमरा छैन मेरो पाखोमा डुल्ने
बिदेशमा सागर छ
पानी छैन हाम्रो गाउँको कुलोमा बग्ने
मलाई आफ्नै गाउँको टुवेल पेलेर
चिसो पानि निकालेर
टन्टलापुर घाममा म खलखली भएको बेला
ठाडो घाँटी लाएर एक लिटर आँम्खोराको पानी
हरेक दिन तनतन पार्न मन छ ।
आफ्नै हातले गाई दुदै
त्यहि दुतको काँचो वासना लिदै
दाउराको आगोमा उमालेर
एक गिलास दुध हरेक दिन पिउन मन छ ।

मलाई कति पनि मन छैन
बिदेशी बालुवामा मेरो पसिना खन्याउन ।
बिदेशी माटोमा जोतिन ।
म आफ्नै माटोमा मुछिन चाहन्छु
गाई पाल्छु, गहिरी खेत जोत्छु
मल छर्छु, मलिलो बनाउछु
म स्वयं गोबर गनाउँछु र फलाउँछु
सपनाका सुनौला बालीहरु
हृदयभरी खुशीका फूलहरु ।
त्यो भन्दा ठुलो के हुन् सक्छ मेरो लागि
मेरो खुसीको लागि, मेरो माटोको लागि?
मेरा परिवार र सन्ततिका लागि ।

Video credit: Online Khabar

जे बोले पनि हुन्छ यिनले जनता माझ
ए हजुर हग्नेलाई भन्दा देख्नेलाई लाज
एउटा हसाउनेले आज देश बनाउदै गर्दा
गफ लडाउदै आकाशमा डुल्छ यो बाज
ए हजुर हग्नेलाई भन्दा देख्नेलाई लाज
न थाक्यो यो कहिले, न पाक्यो यो कहिले
थेत्तरो यो बोलिरहन्छ “आउँछ पानी जाहाज”
ए हजुर हग्नेलाई भन्दा देख्नेलाई लाज
उडाउनुको पनि हद हुन्छ, झुट बोल्नुको पनि
घमण्डको पनी हद हुन्छ खोई यिनको साख ?
ए हजुर हग्नेलाई भन्दा देख्नेलाई लाज
तिम्रो हैसियतको कुरा गरेर म कति गिरौ
ईज्जत त यो तुलसीको पनी छ जनता माझ
ए हजुर हग्नेलाई भन्दा देख्नेलाई लाज

राजेस हमाल संग मेरा बा को के त्यस्तो सम्बन्ध छ जुन झट्ट हेर्दा न कद मिल्छ, न उचाई मिल्छ, न जुँगा मिल्छ । तपाईँलाई लाग्दो हो यसले के बकम्फुसे कुरा गर्न लाग्यो । तर यी दुई बिचमा तपाईले कल्पना गरेभन्दा धेरै समानता छ उमेरमा, नायकत्वमा, कसरत र खानामा, बर्णमा र जीवनका रङ्गमा ।
ल आउनुहोस केहीबेर यो समानताको पर्दाफाँस गरौ ।
सुरुवात गरौ उमेरबाट । हमाल उमेरले ५४ हुन् भने मेरा बा त्यहि ६०-६२ । एक प्रकारले भन्ने हो भने झन्डै समकालीन । दुवै उस्तै भरभराउदा । अलिकति मेरा बा खुम्चिए जस्ता, कारण हमालले बच्चाको बाउ हुनुको जिम्मेबारी काँधमा नलिई हुर्किनुको सायद फाईदा/बेफाईदा केहि होला । यता मेरा बाले छोरो पनि कत्रो बनाए नि ! अहिले हमाल र आफ्नै बाको तुलना गर्न थालिसक्यो अनि?
दोस्रो नायकत्व । नेपाली चलचित्र जगतमा माहानायकको स्थान पाएका हमालले सयौ नेपाली चलचित्रमा आफ्नो भूमिका निर्भाह गरिसकेका छन् ।कहिले भरिया भएर, कहिले संकर भएर, कहिले बटुवा भएर, कहिले के भएर, कहिले के भएर । मेरा बाले पनि जीवनका उकालीओराली हरुमा सयौ भूमिकाहरु निर्भाह गरिसकेका छन् कहिले हाम्रो अभिभाबक भएर, कहिले हाम्रो भरिया भएर, कहिले आधा पेट खाएर, कहिले पानि चुहिने छानो मुनि सुतेर । फरक यति हो हमालको जिवनमा नाटक बढी भो। मेरो बाको नाटकमा, जीवन बढी भो । आखिर जीवन नाटक, र नाटक जीवन न हो ।

फरक यति हो हमालको जिवनमा नाटक बढी भो। मेरो बाको नाटकमा, जीवन बढी भो । आखिर जीवन नाटक, र नाटक जीवन न हो ।


कसरतको कुरा गरौ । हमाल शारीरिक ब्यामलाई अति नै जोड दिन्छन, त्यहि भएर आफ्नै घरमा सारीरिक कसरत गर्ने एउटा ठाउँ बनाएका छन् । खाने कुरामा पनि उत्तिनै ध्यान दिन्छन । प्राय: उसिनेकै खान मन पराउछन । मेरा बा फेरी ठ्याक्कै उस्तै । बिहान ५ बजेनै उनको निन्द्रा खुल्छ । उठ्ने बित्तिकै हात झटकार्न थाल्छन, टाउको मर्काउन थाल्छन, खुट्टा तर्काउन थाल्छन । उनलाई एक कप मिठो चिया, गुन्द्रुकको तरकारी र उसिनेको फर्सी भए केहि चाहिन्न । एउटा कुरो मेरा बालाई थोरै भएपनि दिनमा एक छाक चामलको भात चाही चाहिन्छ है , त्यो चै हमाल भन्दा अलिकति फरक पर्यो ।
अब कुरा गरौ बर्णको । कालो बर्णका यी दुवै हिस्सी परेका छन् । घाम र पानीले अलिकति डडायो, अलिकति रुझायो होला मेरा बालाई, नत्र यो दुबैका छाला एउटै रंगले बनेको छ । हमाल दिनदिनै नुहाउलान, मेरा बा अलिक समय लगाउछन । जति सुन्दर छ यिनीहरुको छाला, मन पनि त्यतिनै सुन्दर छ । यी दुबैको मनमा पाप छैन । रिसाए भने चै मेरा बा अलिक बढि कालै हुन्छन है ।
अब कुरा गरौ जीवनका रंगका । हमालसंग जीवनपर्दामा अनेक रंग घोलिएका छन । जीवन घाम-छाया, उकाली-ओराली, प्रेम, आरोह, अबरोह, र त्यसै घरि घोलिएका छन् मेरा बाका जीवन रङ्गमा । हमालको भन्दा एउटा बढि मेरा बा संग उनको छोराको सपना घोलिएको छ ।
एउटा नेपालि फिल्मी दुनियाको हिरो, माहानायक परे भने, अर्को मेरो आफ्नै हिरो, माहानायक परे । अनि छैनन् त यी दुवै उस्तै , दुरुस्तै । ल हेर्नोस तस्बिर आफै बोल्छ ।

“What do you wanna be in life?” one of the neighbors asked me, out of fondness and familiarity, aiming to pull and separate me from my mother’s sari that was draped around her waist that I was clinging to. I was six then. I was not as extrovert with others as I was with my parents.

“Say, doctor!” my mother cued me, cautiously holding her sari so she wouldn’t be disrobed in a tug of war. “I wanna be a doctor.”

 I did not leave my mother.

“Have you never seen a person’s face?” my mother hollered. “See, uncle is trying to talk to you.”

My father, who was right there sitting next to the neighbor uncle chatting, pulled me and let my mother go, saying “talk to uncle, answer his question.” In Nepali culture, younger ones hardly call the elders by their names as it is deemed uncultured and disrespectful, so my father was prompting me to call the gentleman, the neighbor “uncle”. In that sense, I used to have many uncles, almost all neighbors were my uncles besides my friends and younger relatives.

After I was pulled, my mother was set free and she left for the kitchen, covering a portion of her head with her shawl, to make some tea and serve my father and the “uncle” as a guest in the house. My mother as a married woman hardly showed her body parts, and she tried to cover them as much as she could in front of others. Doing so was deemed reverence towards her husband, as part of promoting her husband’s prestige and family honor[1], and maintaining her own chastity and purity.

My mother had already made two cups of tea and was bringing them on a aluminum plate over to where my father and the uncle were sitting, with her shawl covering her head, just showing a red tika on her forehead, a bit of vermilion above her forehead, a necklace of beads, and bangles on both her hands, all of them defining my mother a fully married woman who is devoted to her husband. As she walked, her bangles jingled and clanked that my father felt her presence from a long distance away.

“So you wanna be a doctor, huh?” the “uncle” said, caressing my cheeks. “You got chubby cheeks.” I remained on the lap of my father.

“Yes,” I said, looking up coyly and slowly.

“Good boy,” he said. “Gotta study hard.”

“Go to uncle and talk to him,” My father said, trying to push me out of his lap towards the uncle. I resisted and rather tried to glue myself to my father.

Both my father and the “uncle” were sitting on a mat spread on a futon bed that was placed right by one of the corners of the courtyard under a mango tree that had lost its flowers due to heavy hail and a storm the week before. It was Jesth, the second Nepali month of the year, the time of hail and storms.

“We were expecting a lot of mangoes this year, but the storm did not leave any stone unturned,” my father said looking up at the mango tree and looking back at the uncle. “How old is your son by the way?”

“Oh, he is too young, gotta wait a few more years for him to be ready for school.”

“I do not know what this guy will do,” my father said dusting off my back and gesturing me to see if my mother finished making tea. “His teacher says he is good in math, he can add and subtract one digit numbers.”

“Oh, that’s good!” the uncle said. 

“I wish my son would be a doctor,” my father added.

 I ran for my mother. My mother had already made two cups of tea and was bringing them on an aluminum plate over to where my father and the uncle were sitting, with her shawl covering her head, just showing a red tika on her forehead, a bit of vermilion above her forehead, a necklace of beads, and bangles on both her hands, all of them defining my mother a fully married woman who is devoted to her husband. As she walked, her bangles jingled and clanked that my father felt her presence from a long distance away. (To be continued…)


[1] In Hindu mythology, Manu’s Law discusses the responsibility of Hindu women to maintain family honor.